I'm getting to the point where I will obsessively polish my shoes and practice tying my ties just to feel in control.

Phone interviews

I absolutely hate looking for jobs.

The process is degrading, especially since I screwed up the whole college thing. I'm essentially begging for scraps everywhere I go and looking for some sort of chance to prove myself. Every listing that requires a degree or specialized training reads "Please go away" and every rejection email should just have "You're not good enough" in the subject line.

And then, somewhere along the line, I lost my ability to interview. I used to be damn good at interviews but now I can't seem to form the words I need as soon as I cross the threshold. This is mitigated somewhat in person because I am able to make up for it by switching into what an acquaintance once called my "host mode." I love being around large groups of my friends (a difficult feat, if you know me) and I especially love having them at our place of residence. It is one of the few things that truly gets me excited in life. Anyway, I turn that on in person and it seems to have a positive effect. I usually get the second interview where they actually have to look at what passes for my credentials.

Then there is a phone interview. Every silence, no matter how thoughtful, is turned into a mistake along the lines of dead air on a radio station or downtime for your website. It is just uncomfortable and unacceptable. In person, I have these silences as well but I must manage to look thoughtful instead of stupid so it works out for me.

An ego the size of mine just can't bear that sort of deflating. As soon as I get myself worked up and have enough confidence to actually call people back I get flattened and reminded of just how many consequences my poor and foolish decisions have.

So I'm pretty sure I just screwed up this phone interview. It was supposed to be a half an hour long but it was 10 minutes with a promise that she'd send my resume over to someone else in HR. That is either good for me or bad and I can think of reasons to interpret it either way. As I said to my wife, I'll have to leave it in God's hands because worrying about it won't make me any taller.

I wonder what step applying for jobs will get me to on St. John's Ladder. It certainly should count as ascesis. It tests your relationships, teaches you humility, and throws you back again and again on the mercy of God. I've been listening to Father Lawrence Farley's excellent podcast over at Ancient Faith Radio and he spends a large amount of time in chapter 12 of St. Luke's Gospel expounding on all the ways and reasons we need to rely on God. I said an internal "Amen!" at every sentence, now it comes time to actually live it out; to remember what my face looks like, as it were.

Lord, have mercy.

Bible Sprint Day 3

Questions:

1. How much is in an omer?
1. Ex 16:36 – 1/10 of 3 measures
2. Is Exodus 18:6-12 Jethro’s conversion?
3. Is Ex 21:37 part of Zaccheus’s repentance?
4. Exodus 26:27 What is meant by “toward the sea”? Wouldn’t that change?
5. How many sons did Levi have? Where is a genealogy of Levi?
6. What percentage of the people was killed in Ex 32:28?

Observations:

1. Ex 17:5-7 Moses strikes the rock because he is told to be.
2. Ex 18:6 Moses didn’t have his wife with him the whole time he was back in Egypt.
3. Exodus 20:20 is a verse to remember.
4. Exodus 21:23-24 “eye for an eye” is actually a restraint. (This observation is not my own but I figured it is worth noting since most people don’t understand it that way.)
5. Exodus 23:22a First use of “special people,” “royal priesthood,” “holy nation.”
1. Israel was to be a priest to the nations yet had their own priests. This is similar to how the priesthood in the Church now functions.
6. Exodus 32:4 Aaron made the calf with a tool and in 32:34 he says it “appeared from the fire.”
7. Exodus 38:22 There is a mention of Korah’s rebellion which doesn’t happen in the narrative until Numbers 16. The censers were melted down and made into pegs for the Tabernacle.
8. Psalm 50 (51) refers to Leviticus 4:1-12.

Bible Sprint Day 2

Questions:

1. What is the connection between Genesis 39:12 and the naked man in Mark? Is there one?
2. Genesis 49:31 – Why the change to a first person singular pronoun?
3. What connection is there between the slaughter of the innocents in Exodus 1 and the slaughter of the innocents in Matthew?
4. What is the significance of the three signs of Moses in Exodus 4?

Observations:

1. In Exodus 7, God says to wave the rod over the water and Aaron strikes the water. Later, God says speak to the rock and Moses strikes it. One is acceptable, the other is not.
1. Ex7 strike/wave/strike
2. Exodus 7 “strike” with blood, “smite” with frogs.
3. Ex 12:43-51 Only members of Israel could eat the OT Paschal meal. Only members of the New Israel may eat the NT Paschal meal.
4. Ex 13:1-2, 11-16 Verses to remember for later
1. God claims the lives of the firstborn of all who were in Egypt for the first Pascha. The Egyptians and their livestock he kills while the faithful Israelites he gives the chance to redeem their firstborn
1. Israelites were proven faithful by complying with God’s commands, esp. the doorposts.
5. Exodus 14:19 There were both an angel and a cloud going before Israel.

Bible Sprint Day 1

I'm getting this up late (I'm setting the date to the correct one for record keeping purposes) and I'm already behind but that is to be expected on the first week since we have services every night. I fully expect to have the entire text read on time so that I can concentrate on services for Holy Week. Anyway, notes, notes, notes.

Date (Day 1):  2/26/2012

Passage: Genesis 1 – Genesis 31

Prayer before reading:

Illumine our hearts, O Master Who loves mankind, with the pure light of Your divine knowledge. Open the eyes of our mind to the understanding of Your gospel teachings. Implant also in us the fear of Your blessed commandments, that trampling down all carnal desires, we may enter upon a spiritual manner of living, both thinking and doing such things as are well-pleasing unto You. For You are the illumination of our souls and bodies, O Christ our God, and unto You we ascribe glory, together with Your Father, Who is from everlasting, and Your all-holy, good, and life-creating Spirit, now and ever and unto the ages of ages. Amen.

Questions:

1. How significant is the fact that there are 2 creation accounts?
2. Gen 2:9 “tree of learning the knowledge of good and evil.” How close is this to the Greek? How close to the Hebrew?
3. 2:17 “you shall die by death” What kind of death is meant here since they don’t actually die when they eat the fruit?
4. Gen 10:25 What does Peleg mean?
5. Why doesn’t pharaoh take back the gifts in Gen 12?
6. What is the point of Abraham and Isaac lying about their wives? Why were they blessed for it?

Observations:

1. Genesis 1:7 “…and man became a living soul.” Man is a unit, not a division of body and soul.
2. 3:8 The way this is worded makes it appear that they have climbed the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.
3. God tells Cain he is responsible for his brother before the murder and Cain asks later if he is his brother’s keeper.
4. Terah and others in Gen 11 conceive well after they are of normal age but Sara thinks she is too old later. Also, the life spans are diminishing. This plays in to the statement of God in Gen. 6.
5. Mamre, as in “the oaks of Mamre,” is a person not a place. Cf. Gen 14:13
6. The Abel/Cain story is the first instance of the younger/older sibling inversion like Jacob/Esau, Joseph/Brothers, Ephraim/Manasseh.
7. Rachel is a shepherdess. There seems to be a theme of shepherds being righteous.

Prayer after reading:

Lord, now lettest Thou Thy servants depart in peace according to Thy word. For mine eyes have seen Thy salvation which Thou hast prepared before the face of all peoples; a light to enlighten the gentiles and to be the glory of Thy people Israel.

Notes are piling up.

I have to enter more notes but I left them at work.

Also, I applied to yet MORE jobs tonight. If anyone out there is reading this, please pray for me.

Podcast Notes 2/20/2012

TMTS - Sojourners and Pilgrims
TMTS - The Incorruptible Beauty of a Gentle and Quiet Spirit
      A. This was a great discussion of marriage. It is a definite relisten.
TMTS - Christ's Sufferings and Ours
     A. 1 Peter 3:18-22, Yet another clear statement that the act of baptism saves.
TMTS - He Who Has Suffered
TMTS - Rejoice In Your Suffering
TMTS - Be Sober, Be Alert
Ezekiel
     A. 3:27 --> Read as background to Jesus's speeches?
     B. 4: 14 --> cf. Peter and the clotch in Acts?
     C. 9:3-4 --> Some reference to the Passover?
     D. 11 --> "Heart of flesh" chapter. I always forget where in Ezekiel this place is.
     E. 18:1-18, Just because a father is righteous or sinful, it makes no bearing on his sons. They are responsible for their actions. This stands against the idea of original sin.
     F. 18: 30-32, Recapitulation of the "new heart" idea.
     G. "Lewd women" --> cf. Dame folly in Proverbs?

I guess I didn't start Ezekiel early enough. This is the first time I've had one span two work days.